Well, husband and I have been married just over a month
now. In some ways, it has all felt totally normal and natural – we’re best
friends so what’s weird about now living together and being with each other
every day? Nothing. At the same time, it still feels like the wedding was
yesterday and everything is completely new. (I guess I need to mention before I
continue: Both husband and I are Christians – real disciples of Jesus – so we
chose to not live or sleep together until we were married.)
The 38 days that we have been husband and wife have been
new, exciting, so fun, transitional (is that even a word?), an adjustment,
wonderful, and happy.
Things I have instantly loved about being married
(especially to Gordon):
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We’re with each other all the time! Now that the
holidays are over and life is getting back to normal, we, unfortunately, cannot
sit around all day and bask in each other’s presence. But getting to see each
other first thing in the morning (and yes we both wake up with breath that
smells like fresh mint and the perfect bedhead) and the second before we fall
asleep and coming home to each other, really is a blessing.
-
We have so much fun! Not that we didn’t have fun
before we were married, but when we were single, our time together was planned –
even if it was just going to sit in a coffee shop. Still planned. Now that we’re
married, the humour and fun also comes from the unplanned – from the late night
humour while getting ready for bed; from the unknown habits and preferences each
other has that you’re just learning about; or from watching new TV series you
discover together. (COMMUNITY. I know we’re jumping on the bandwagon REALLY
late, but better late than never. How did I not see this sooner?!)
-
It brings me closer to God; whether naturally or
by force. What I mean is this: marriage, as designed by God, brings two people
together in a covenant before God, that is supposed to be a reflection of Jesus's relationship with the church.
The constant building and growing towards this, just naturally brings
each of you closer in relationship to God. Marriage is also new territory, something
we have zero experience in, and a bit uncomfortable at times in the beginning,
so I am compelled to turn to God for direction, encouragement, and instruction.
I honestly don’t know how we could be married without the bible as our
standard. It settles everything.
-
No more late night drives home. Yay! When we
were dating (and especially the last few months of our engagement), life was so
busy that we were exhausted from trying to juggle everything (work, university,
exams, ministry, dance lessons…those are important, you know) and still spend
time with each other. And since we lived about 20 minutes apart, someone was always
driving home after 9:30pm. (I know that doesn’t sound late but when you leave
your house at 6am and don’t come home till 10pm every day, one does get tired
that early; plus, driving in Joburg anywhere past that time is not ideal.)
-
Making traditions. This is something I’ve had to
remember to embrace because I find myself wanting to make it feel just like my
parents’ home. (See Christmas post) But it actually is really fun realizing
what we already are making into weekly or daily traditions. (Friday [or
Saturday…part of the tradition is being flexible] night homemade pizza and
movie night; kisses before bed or before you leave the house, even if the other
one is still sleeping [which is usually me] :) )
-
Our little house! It is becoming more and more a
home and the place that we love to retreat to and feel safe in. We love having
people over for dinner and braais (South African barbeques) and coffee. And I
can finally start putting my Pinteresting into practice!
Things that I am adjusting to:
-
My husband is a tall, handsome, and muscular guy
who eats a lot more than me. I have to work on by dinner portions; they still keep
coming out a bit too small.
-
No internet. This actually has nothing to do
with being married, but not having internet at a time when I extra want to stay
in touch with my family and friends is challenging. (We actually signed a
contract in November for internet, but the internet company comes from the same
family as sloths, so we have yet to receive it.)
-
It’s just an adjustment. I know that’s not
anything specific, but sometimes I can’t pinpoint what exactly is the adjustment. As my husband said, “It’s just
different”. (We love marriage and each other, it’s just different.) Embarrassingly,
I think I make it more of an adjustment when I get overly emotional about something; but nonetheless, extreme
emotions in tight quarters are an adjustment that come with the territory – and
that no one really warns you about. (I have to mention that Gordon has been
extremely kind and patient throughout this.)
If you are newly married, from the wisdom I have gathered
in one month, my advice is the following:
-
Relax. It’s not a big. What’s not a big deal,
you may ask. Whatever you’re freaking out about. And it’s only been a month. I remind
myself of these things often.
-
Have fun. When in doubt, when I start getting emotional,
just do something fun.
-
Kiss a lot. (That pretty much always helps
everything.) :)
-
Watch Community often.
-
Spend lots of time with other people too. This
keeps you from the potential new married bubble of selfishness and is a lot of
fun.
-
Pray LOTS! (This is a constant point of
improvement.) Pray by yourself, pray together. Pray.
-
A weekly pizza and movie night is a must.
I mostly wrote all those to remind myself. Maybe you were
reminded of something too?
Young marrieds out there: thoughts? Shared experiences?
What have you learned? What advice can you share? If you are newly married, I hope
you are feeling more in love than ever before and learning to enjoy every
moment!
Love, from the southern hemisphere,
Ellie Fulton
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