On our first anniversary

One year ago, on the seventh of December, that guy and I said, “I do”. We got all dressed up, signed some papers, took lots of pictures, danced, ate cake, and started a new life – our life. It was magical, it was a little scary, it was so exciting, and so fun. I actually say all the time that I wish we could do it all over again! Even after all the planning and preparation, it really was one of the most fun days ever. 

This past weekend, we went away to celebrate one year of being married. I still can't decide if it feels like we've been married for a year or if it feels like we just got married a few weeks ago. Either way, we have had a full and rich year, and I have never felt more content with my/our life and filled with hope and anticipation for the future. My husband is the best. I seriously don't know how I got so lucky. He has his flaws, like everyone (including myself), but he has been the leader this year in our little family of being selfless and forgiving. He truly sees and clings to what is good. He makes everything so fun! He loves God passionately and then loves me - so much. I love him so much more than I did a year ago and can't even imagine how our life will be filled with more love and joy, as it will over the next 10, 20, 50 years. 

After one year, I think I can say that I'm starting to find my feet in marriage. This first year married has been so happy, exciting, filled with so many firsts...really, a great, big adventure. We've done so many things in our first year: lots of movie nights (we really love movies), road trips, hikes, never-ending UNO games, intense air-hockey battles, afternoon walks holding hands, cross-continent flights, two [of our own] wedding receptions, concerts, musicals, picnics, random nights away (thanks to winning two radio contests!), dinners at home, dinners out, dinner with friends, walks with our son (Rolo - the basset hound...I really need to feature him more here), impromptu dance parties at home, hide-and-seek with Rolo in our little home, watching thunderstorms, snuggling on the couch while watching The Middle, Saturday morning strolls through local markets, holiday parties in our home, home made pizza nights, etc., etc., and etc. We also have had our share of bumps, miscommunications, and disagreements (often the latter two result in the first one). We have had to learn to calmly and fairly resolve conflict. We have had to learn to truly forgive and let go. When I think of themes to describe our year, I think of: deep love, grace, forgiveness, fun (having fun, as well as, making things light), holding onto the good, and learning. 

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It is wonderful and amazing and magical, but it is also challenging and pushes you to grow in your character. I made a discovery in this first year about my thinking/beliefs (and I have a feeling I'm not the only one), that I think is the reason why marriage can seem startling. We are fed a lie our entire lives about what marriage should be: a fairytale, a super fun sleepover with your best friend every single day, full of red roses and romance, long walks on the beach holding hands, and dying together, old, in each others' arms. We are told that if the two of you are really meant for each other, everything will align and you will agree on everything and like the same things and travel the world together in complete and utter bliss. He will know what you are thinking and what you want without you saying anything. I think I also even fell into a bit of a romanticized version of conflict. You know in the movies...let's take The Notebook (which I love!), for example...the scene where Noah and Allie finally meet each other again, all grown up and with lots of life experience behind them? The tension has been building between the two of them and Noah takes Allie out on a romantic canoe ride. As they arrive back at the dock and the rain is pouring down on them, Allie finally yells out, "Why didn't you write me?!" She waited to hear from him for many years after their breakup (but her mom had been secretly kidnapping and hiding every letter) and was now angry that she was engaged to someone else as she realizes she still has feelings for Noah. (Don't worry, nothing even remotely similar to this has happened to us. ;) They yell at each other, chase each other down the dock in the pouring rain, and then passionately kiss and all is well again. I think this all occurs within approximately five minutes. 

Ha!

Now, before you think I'm a total cynic and Debbie-downer, I promise: I'm not. Marriage, to the right person (or if you work hard at), is all of those wonderful things and far more, often times. In all honesty, I have had more moments in this one year of my life than any other, where I wondered how it was possible to feel so happy and loved and in love, and that it could keep growing. But growing individually and as a couple can be challenging. Conflict is not romantic. It's not pretty, it's not fun, it hurts. Making changes in yourself (especially for someone else) is hard and often involves fighting every selfish fiber in your body that is pulling you the other direction. And when some of these things started to happen after the day we said, "I do", I panicked. I wondered what was wrong with me, or us. This is why you need great friends in your life, even after finding "the one".

There was not and is not anything wrong with us. We are completely normal. We did make the right decision - every day that we don't have a conflict (which is actually like 90% of the time) affirms this for me. I am so grateful for family and friends who reminded us (ok, well, more me) and almost taught me for the first time, that: every couple has conflict. It's getting better and faster at resolving it that makes your relationship better. As I have learned to understand that and embrace it, it has made every day (including the few days that irk me a bit more than others), far more wonderful. We are doing great. We have grown so much this first year, individually and as the Fultons; I am so eager to see what we will be, 50 years down the road. 

So, as we embark on the second year of our marriage, I suppose the lesson I've learned, that I hope can encourage you (whatever stage of relationship you are in - including not being in one) is that: you are normal. There is no recipe for success or a "happy" life; you make that for yourself. Conflict and challenges are normal. As the late Nelson Mandela said, "After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb." (More on Mandela to come.) Welcome the hills, embrace them, and learn from them. Life is far brighter when you do. 

Love,
EF

One year getaway. :)

  

Thursdays are my favorite day

No, it has nothing to do with the fact that the weekend is almost here.

It has something to do with this:

Here in South Africa, almost anyone who makes any decent amount of money has a maid. Hiring a maid is not expensive because there are so many people who need a job and are willing to work as a maid. Some people have someone who comes to their house every day of the week and cleans, does laundry, etc. Some have a live-in maid who is literally there all the time; some may even have their maid cook or take car of young kids.

When I first moved to South Africa, I lived with a family who had a live-in maid. I don't think I ever publicly said this but: I NEVER did laundry. It was a dream come true. I helped out around the house where I could, so I was a good house guest, but actually, most of the time, I couldn't find anything to do (cleaning wise).

Well, I figured that once I got married those days were over. My husband is busy finishing his law degree and although we both have jobs, we decided that we didn't need to spend our small income on someone cleaning our little one bedroom place. But through a series of very fortuitous events, we have a maid who comes every Friday!
She cleans the house (I purposely plan my cooking so that major cooking is done on Thursday nights...tonight's menu: Badia-seasoned and lime chicken, brown rice and black beans, garden salad, and garlic bread) and does the laundry (which is an extra big deal here in SA since people don't use tumble dryers...they hang dry everything and then iron it all! Seriously, ironing is the worst.). Not to brag or anything, but it is glorious! So, Thursday are my favorite day because I can let all cleanliness and order go to...what's the phrase?...well, they just don't happen in our house. :)

Have you ever had a maid? What would you most like a maid for, if you could have one?

(If it'll make all you maid-less people out there feel better, if and when we move back to the US, I am going to cry the first time I have to pick up a mop.)

Love,
EF

On married life - so far

Well, husband and I have been married just over a month now. In some ways, it has all felt totally normal and natural – we’re best friends so what’s weird about now living together and being with each other every day? Nothing. At the same time, it still feels like the wedding was yesterday and everything is completely new. (I guess I need to mention before I continue: Both husband and I are Christians – real disciples of Jesus – so we chose to not live or sleep together until we were married.)

The 38 days that we have been husband and wife have been new, exciting, so fun, transitional (is that even a word?), an adjustment, wonderful, and happy.

Things I have instantly loved about being married (especially to Gordon):

-          We’re with each other all the time! Now that the holidays are over and life is getting back to normal, we, unfortunately, cannot sit around all day and bask in each other’s presence. But getting to see each other first thing in the morning (and yes we both wake up with breath that smells like fresh mint and the perfect bedhead) and the second before we fall asleep and coming home to each other, really is a blessing.

-          We have so much fun! Not that we didn’t have fun before we were married, but when we were single, our time together was planned – even if it was just going to sit in a coffee shop. Still planned. Now that we’re married, the humour and fun also comes from the unplanned – from the late night humour while getting ready for bed; from the unknown habits and preferences each other has that you’re just learning about; or from watching new TV series you discover together. (COMMUNITY. I know we’re jumping on the bandwagon REALLY late, but better late than never. How did I not see this sooner?!)

-          It brings me closer to God; whether naturally or by force. What I mean is this: marriage, as designed by God, brings two people together in a covenant before God, that is supposed to be a reflection of Jesus's relationship with the church.  The constant building and growing towards this, just naturally brings each of you closer in relationship to God. Marriage is also new territory, something we have zero experience in, and a bit uncomfortable at times in the beginning, so I am compelled to turn to God for direction, encouragement, and instruction. I honestly don’t know how we could be married without the bible as our standard. It settles everything.

-          No more late night drives home. Yay! When we were dating (and especially the last few months of our engagement), life was so busy that we were exhausted from trying to juggle everything (work, university, exams, ministry, dance lessons…those are important, you know) and still spend time with each other. And since we lived about 20 minutes apart, someone was always driving home after 9:30pm. (I know that doesn’t sound late but when you leave your house at 6am and don’t come home till 10pm every day, one does get tired that early; plus, driving in Joburg anywhere past that time is not ideal.)

-          Making traditions. This is something I’ve had to remember to embrace because I find myself wanting to make it feel just like my parents’ home. (See Christmas post) But it actually is really fun realizing what we already are making into weekly or daily traditions. (Friday [or Saturday…part of the tradition is being flexible] night homemade pizza and movie night; kisses before bed or before you leave the house, even if the other one is still sleeping [which is usually me] :) )

-          Our little house! It is becoming more and more a home and the place that we love to retreat to and feel safe in. We love having people over for dinner and braais (South African barbeques) and coffee. And I can finally start putting my Pinteresting into practice!

Things that I am adjusting to:

-          My husband is a tall, handsome, and muscular guy who eats a lot more than me. I have to work on by dinner portions; they still keep coming out a bit too small.

-          No internet. This actually has nothing to do with being married, but not having internet at a time when I extra want to stay in touch with my family and friends is challenging. (We actually signed a contract in November for internet, but the internet company comes from the same family as sloths, so we have yet to receive it.)

-          It’s just an adjustment. I know that’s not anything specific, but sometimes I can’t pinpoint what exactly is the adjustment. As my husband said, “It’s just different”. (We love marriage and each other, it’s just different.) Embarrassingly, I think I make it more of an adjustment when I get overly emotional about something; but nonetheless, extreme emotions in tight quarters are an adjustment that come with the territory – and that no one really warns you about. (I have to mention that Gordon has been extremely kind and patient throughout this.)

If you are newly married, from the wisdom I have gathered in one month, my advice is the following:

-          Relax. It’s not a big. What’s not a big deal, you may ask. Whatever you’re freaking out about. And it’s only been a month. I remind myself of these things often.

-          Have fun. When in doubt, when I start getting emotional, just do something fun.

-          Kiss a lot. (That pretty much always helps everything.) :)

-          Watch Community often.

-          Spend lots of time with other people too. This keeps you from the potential new married bubble of selfishness and is a lot of fun.

-          Pray LOTS! (This is a constant point of improvement.) Pray by yourself, pray together. Pray.

-          A weekly pizza and movie night is a must.

I mostly wrote all those to remind myself. Maybe you were reminded of something too?

Young marrieds out there: thoughts? Shared experiences? What have you learned? What advice can you share? If you are newly married, I hope you are feeling more in love than ever before and learning to enjoy every moment!

Love, from the southern hemisphere,

Ellie Fulton 

the festive season

Hope everyone had a wonderful (and restful) holiday season! It’s funny how holidays are often not as relaxing and restful as you plan (but wonderful nonetheless).

We came back from our honeymoon (Cape Town) in mid-December and then took off to Durban on Christmas Eve; spending the week there. We had a wonderful and warm time in the sun, on the beach, and celebrating our first Christmas together. Everything was spectacular until the day before we were supposed to leave. In a surfing accident, my husband of three weeks tore a golf-ball size junk out of his leg and landed in the ER with 15 stitches. (At least it wasn't on our honeymoon!)

All the while, we have been having so much fun settling into our new life (and little home) together…more on all that to come!

Here are a few pictures from Durban and our honeymoon, if you’d like to see.

x,

EF (Elizabeth/Ellie/Elle Fulton...I'm still trying out all the combos) :)

Honeymooning in Cape Town - so wonderful, relaxing, and warm!

Our first Christmas tree! I can't remember why G needed a knife for this. 

Our first Christmas! Christmas after a wedding is a small but exciting affair. 

We stayed with some friends in Durban over  Christmas; this was their drift-wood Christmas tree. I love it.

Rainbow over the Indian Ocean

Honeymoon sunset

love.

New Christmas

It is just a few days before Christmas and I am finding myself desperately trying to “feel like Christmas”. Between our wedding, summer in the Southern Hemisphere, and South Africa’s take on Christmas (but mostly the wedding), it has not felt like Christmas at all. I barely got to celebrate Thanksgiving, which is always the Christmas kick-off for me, so perhaps that’s where the downfall began.  

I also have found being married to be full of surprising transitions; notwithstanding, Christmas traditions. A few days ago, husband and I went to buy our Christmas tree. They do not have real pine trees here in South Africa; so we bought a cute (and by cute I mean small) fake one. We also had to buy decorations. I think I took for granted that every year there are the same decorations at home; the same candles, the same ornaments, the same snowman holding a sign that says “Think Snow” – but now we have to buy our own, new ones. How can this be home-y and traditional?! I was getting quite emotional over this.

And then I read the blog of a friend who, after being married six years, actually shared similar sentiments. What I found so encouraging (and a good reminder!) is that we (mostly me) need to enjoy creating our own traditions! (duh!) I knew this; but somehow in the hustle and bustle of transitioning to married life, I forgot.  I want our first Christmas to be wonderful and memorable, and I want us to create our own traditions that our kids will one day feel that it doesn’t feel like Christmas without. And I want husband to feel like it’s Christmas for him as well – which means pulling in SA traditions. (pray for me!) J 

So here are a few ideas I’ve collected, or movies we will definitely be watching. What are some traditions you’ve built up over the years? If you’re married, what was your first Christmas like?

Here’s to a wonderful, festive, and new Christmas – wherever you are in the world!

Xo

Ellie

How adorable is this?! And they have popsicle sticks in SA!

My family has always watched this on Christmas Eve and last year, my husband (then boyfriend), got to join us for it. I think this is one tradition we'll be keeping.

Christmas crackers! My family never did these growing up, but started to in the past couple years when my aunt would bring them over from England. But here in SA they are a must. They come with all sorts of goodies inside - and for all budgets. We already bought ours - the least expensive ones we could find. :)

I was quite happy to learn that the "gammon" requested by my husband for Christmas dinner is basically just ham! I think I can manage this.

I'm so blessed to have a husband that understands American humor. He cried laughing the first time he saw this. We will definitely we keeping this as a Christmas Day tradition.

The newly wed

Well…

 

It has been far too long since I’ve blogged (and I was ok with that – I decided during our engagement that I would just put blogging on hold till after we got married) and I have to admit: it is a bit difficult to get back into. Difficult because of the time and effort it takes (or at least that I want to put into it), but also because there’s lots of craziness to write about and catch up on.

The past six months have been wonderful, a blur, exhausting, fun, emotional, and everything else you can think of (including a bit nauseating at times – but that may or may not have had anything to do with life circumstances. Ever heard of a bride who was told to gain weight?). And the past two weeks have been amazing, emotional, and a transition.

I’ll try to provide a bit of a catch up on the past six months, but mostly, I'll just have to go from here.

I am a newly married (to the most wonderful man, who happens to have an irresistible accent!), 24-year old, American, living in South Africa. I love God, my husband, traveling, writing, baking, Moleskin products, and other things. I hope you like some of these, or my life musings, and would like to follow along – I tend to think my life is pretty extraordinary.

 

Until next time when I should have wedding photos(!)~

 

The newly wed,

Elizabeth Fulton

 

 

 

 

Wedding website

It took a while to get all the writing and pictures together, but here is our wedding website! I decided I'm not going to post much about our wedding until after we're married, to keep things a suprise. :) And I already told Gordon that one of my post-wedding-day goals is to get serious about the blogging. I admitted that right now, it's just really hard. Between working all day, planning a wedding, and other activities, I really am not/cannot put in the effort I want to here. But I will after. :) (That is not to say I won't blog while we're engaged, but I'm not making any promises to be incredibly consistent.)

In the mean time, please check out our website. Any wedding tips, suggetions, ideas to share?

http://elizabethgordon.ourwedding.com/

I'm getting married!

On 9 June, my wonderful and amazing South African boyfriend proposed to me! And I said yes. :)

We are getting married on 7 December, in Johannesburg and cannot wait! Hopefully this will motivate me to keep up with blogging. :) Here are a few snap shots from the big moment!