On our first anniversary

One year ago, on the seventh of December, that guy and I said, “I do”. We got all dressed up, signed some papers, took lots of pictures, danced, ate cake, and started a new life – our life. It was magical, it was a little scary, it was so exciting, and so fun. I actually say all the time that I wish we could do it all over again! Even after all the planning and preparation, it really was one of the most fun days ever. 

This past weekend, we went away to celebrate one year of being married. I still can't decide if it feels like we've been married for a year or if it feels like we just got married a few weeks ago. Either way, we have had a full and rich year, and I have never felt more content with my/our life and filled with hope and anticipation for the future. My husband is the best. I seriously don't know how I got so lucky. He has his flaws, like everyone (including myself), but he has been the leader this year in our little family of being selfless and forgiving. He truly sees and clings to what is good. He makes everything so fun! He loves God passionately and then loves me - so much. I love him so much more than I did a year ago and can't even imagine how our life will be filled with more love and joy, as it will over the next 10, 20, 50 years. 

After one year, I think I can say that I'm starting to find my feet in marriage. This first year married has been so happy, exciting, filled with so many firsts...really, a great, big adventure. We've done so many things in our first year: lots of movie nights (we really love movies), road trips, hikes, never-ending UNO games, intense air-hockey battles, afternoon walks holding hands, cross-continent flights, two [of our own] wedding receptions, concerts, musicals, picnics, random nights away (thanks to winning two radio contests!), dinners at home, dinners out, dinner with friends, walks with our son (Rolo - the basset hound...I really need to feature him more here), impromptu dance parties at home, hide-and-seek with Rolo in our little home, watching thunderstorms, snuggling on the couch while watching The Middle, Saturday morning strolls through local markets, holiday parties in our home, home made pizza nights, etc., etc., and etc. We also have had our share of bumps, miscommunications, and disagreements (often the latter two result in the first one). We have had to learn to calmly and fairly resolve conflict. We have had to learn to truly forgive and let go. When I think of themes to describe our year, I think of: deep love, grace, forgiveness, fun (having fun, as well as, making things light), holding onto the good, and learning. 

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It is wonderful and amazing and magical, but it is also challenging and pushes you to grow in your character. I made a discovery in this first year about my thinking/beliefs (and I have a feeling I'm not the only one), that I think is the reason why marriage can seem startling. We are fed a lie our entire lives about what marriage should be: a fairytale, a super fun sleepover with your best friend every single day, full of red roses and romance, long walks on the beach holding hands, and dying together, old, in each others' arms. We are told that if the two of you are really meant for each other, everything will align and you will agree on everything and like the same things and travel the world together in complete and utter bliss. He will know what you are thinking and what you want without you saying anything. I think I also even fell into a bit of a romanticized version of conflict. You know in the movies...let's take The Notebook (which I love!), for example...the scene where Noah and Allie finally meet each other again, all grown up and with lots of life experience behind them? The tension has been building between the two of them and Noah takes Allie out on a romantic canoe ride. As they arrive back at the dock and the rain is pouring down on them, Allie finally yells out, "Why didn't you write me?!" She waited to hear from him for many years after their breakup (but her mom had been secretly kidnapping and hiding every letter) and was now angry that she was engaged to someone else as she realizes she still has feelings for Noah. (Don't worry, nothing even remotely similar to this has happened to us. ;) They yell at each other, chase each other down the dock in the pouring rain, and then passionately kiss and all is well again. I think this all occurs within approximately five minutes. 

Ha!

Now, before you think I'm a total cynic and Debbie-downer, I promise: I'm not. Marriage, to the right person (or if you work hard at), is all of those wonderful things and far more, often times. In all honesty, I have had more moments in this one year of my life than any other, where I wondered how it was possible to feel so happy and loved and in love, and that it could keep growing. But growing individually and as a couple can be challenging. Conflict is not romantic. It's not pretty, it's not fun, it hurts. Making changes in yourself (especially for someone else) is hard and often involves fighting every selfish fiber in your body that is pulling you the other direction. And when some of these things started to happen after the day we said, "I do", I panicked. I wondered what was wrong with me, or us. This is why you need great friends in your life, even after finding "the one".

There was not and is not anything wrong with us. We are completely normal. We did make the right decision - every day that we don't have a conflict (which is actually like 90% of the time) affirms this for me. I am so grateful for family and friends who reminded us (ok, well, more me) and almost taught me for the first time, that: every couple has conflict. It's getting better and faster at resolving it that makes your relationship better. As I have learned to understand that and embrace it, it has made every day (including the few days that irk me a bit more than others), far more wonderful. We are doing great. We have grown so much this first year, individually and as the Fultons; I am so eager to see what we will be, 50 years down the road. 

So, as we embark on the second year of our marriage, I suppose the lesson I've learned, that I hope can encourage you (whatever stage of relationship you are in - including not being in one) is that: you are normal. There is no recipe for success or a "happy" life; you make that for yourself. Conflict and challenges are normal. As the late Nelson Mandela said, "After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb." (More on Mandela to come.) Welcome the hills, embrace them, and learn from them. Life is far brighter when you do. 

Love,
EF

One year getaway. :)

  

Mama Congo and real life

Today, I want to share a post from a blog that I follow...that I think you should follow too.

Mama Congo is written by two American women who live in the Democratic Republic of the Congo with their husbands and kids. I love hearing about people's lives in other countries – it’s fascinating! But to pick up your family and move to a country like the Congo - astounding. Have a look around their blog and at this website if you'd like, to see more of what life is like there.

The post I want to highlight is: The Picture That Did Me In. What Sarah describes here is an extremely common but shocking reality of how much of the world operates: with so little/access to so little, while the rest of us have so much/so much access. When I’m reminded of this disparity, I’m reminded that I actually have so much I can give (even when I think I don’t).

  

At  traffic lights here in SA, there are always a number of people begging or selling whatever odds and ends they can in order to makes some money. My heart breaks every time. I always watch them (and often try not to make eye contact, to be honest) and think: What if I had to do that? What if I had to try and sell pens or cell phone car chargers or cheap car decals to make a living? What if I just had to beg? How humbling that would be to me. Their’s is a whole other world that I really can’t even comprehend. (And these people probably have even a bit more than those who we don’t see.) And as I pass some of these people and drive into the grocery store, I have my choice of cereals, fruits, ice-creams, chips, breads, sodas, toothpaste, shampoo…even toilet paper. I can very quickly and easily feel guilty.

I wanted to highlight the post from Mama Congo because a) I thought it was great and I love their blog. But, b) to share a small part of my daily life here in SA. It can be hard to live with the realization that there is such a disparity between people…and I often feel like I’m furthering it when I keep purchasing multiple cereals or ice-creams…but it is a reality, but one that, I think, people are only better for when it’s realized. Because we have so much, we really can do so much. (OPTIONAL: I often hear people say that they don’t give money to those on the street because they don’t want the money to be used to buy drugs, cigarettes, etc. Well, when I first moved here, I learned from someone to try and keep food in my car/with me (bananas, bread, apples) that I can give out. It’s a small gesture, but it’s being active about the reality rather than moping about it.)

Let Mama Congo know if you like their blog – bloggers love to hear from you. :)

Love from the quickly summer-ing southern hemisphere,

E

(Oh, and at first I thought I should include more pictures in this post, but when I thought about what that meant…taking pictures of people from inside my car…that just didn’t sit well with me. It’s better to see some things for yourself.)

The discussion of Syria

On the day that we remember such a life changing and heart breaking day in history, I find it interesting that the US is once again in a debate over whether to involve itself in Middle Eastern affairs; namely, the case of Syria. Of course, the circumstances are completely different. No one attacked us. No Americans died. But many people did die. An act of terrorism occurred somewhere else, to others.

Did you watch President Obama’s speech last night? I didn’t watch it – it aired at 4 A.M. over here – but I did read the transcript. If you didn’t watch, you can read the transcript HERE. I think it is a very impressive speech. He seemed to fully address the public’s concerns and pulled in strongly persuasive historical context for the path he is proposing.  If I didn’t have my own inner turmoil about the situation, this speech might have convinced me to support his stance.

But as a Christian, what do you do in a case like this? How do you decide what the right decision is?

I completely believe that the use of chemical weapons is atrocious and an act like what was seen in Syria should not receive a blind eye. But does that justify deadly, retaliatory action?

President Obama’s speech had some good lines in it.

“…it’s also a danger to our security. Let me explain why. If we fail to act, the Assad regime will see no reason to stop using chemical weapons. As the ban against these weapons erodes, other tyrants will have no reason to think twice about acquiring poison gas and using them. Over time, our troops would again face the prospect of chemical warfare on the battlefield, and it could be easier for terrorist organizations to obtain these weapons and to use them to attack civilians.”

Do you believe this? Do you feel unsafe as an American in the US, or are you fearful? I personally have never feared for my safety while living in the US.

“America is not the world’s policeman. Terrible things happen across the globe, and it is beyond our means to right every wrong, but when the  modest effort and risk we can stop children from being gassed to death and thereby make our own children safer over the long run, I believe we should act. That’s what makes America different. That’s what makes us exceptional. With humility, but with resolve, let us never lose sight of that essential truth.”

This sounds really great. Very patriotic. Do you believe America isn’t “the world’s policeman”? Because I have a feeling more Americans than not probably think we are the world’s policeman. Do you think much about America’s role in the rest of the world (whether you’re American or another nationality)?

And lastly…

“The burdens of leadership are often heavy, but the world’s a better place because we have borne them.”

This statement, I believe, is true of life in general. I am challenged to be a better leader in my own life, in small ways and big ways. And on a day we remember the deaths and sacrifice of so many, how to you make a decision based on others deaths, and a decision that will almost certainly result in further loss of life?

What are your thoughts? On the situation or on President Obama’s speech. Please keep the comments calm, respectful, and tame. :)

What makes an American?

Today's post is for Americans and non-Americans. So, I guess it's for everyone and anyone. 

I have had a number of South Africans remark (enough for me to notice) that I am not "a typical American". The only thing that I honestly, consistently see as the reason this is said is because I'm not overweight. I'm never quite sure what to make of that.

As I've now been living in South Africa for two and half years and just traveled back to the US for three weeks, and am now back in SA again, I've wondered a lot about the two countries' cultural differences. When I'm in the States, I often get multiple variances of the following questions:

"What's the food like?"

"What's a typical South African meal?"

"Can you do a South African accent for me?"

"What's the culture like?" (that's not a broad question...can you hear the sarcasm?)

Likewise, living in SA, I get similar questions about the US fairly often. And sometimes for both countries, I actually struggle to answer these questions. I can tell you what a typical South African meal is like (for a number of the different cultures) but I can't do a South African accent. There isn't one accent. There are 11 official languages in South Africa, so everyone sounds a bit different from each other. 

And when I'm asked about the US, I find that my answers confuse even me. 

"What's the food like?"

         Large portions. (Ok, that's all over the US.)

"What food do you miss the most?"

         Mexican, Cuban...wait a second - that's the American food that I miss the most?

Yeah, I crave a good burger every now and then - like on the Fourth of July (I mean really, what's more American than a burger or hotdog?) And I love hot, chewy brownies with the best of them. 

But what really defines America? What really makes you American?

I was born on the west coast of Florida, grew up in Miami, went to college in Boston, and lived in New Orleans and Washington, D.C. over two different summers. From my experience:

Being American is being multicultural. Americans are accepting (I know you may think that's debatable, but overall, I really think we are), diverse, fun, and hard working (yes, I know there are exceptions to all of these). Americans eat a lot. Many Americans never learn another language. A lot of Americans don't know how to consistently relax (more than having a TV series marathon) and take holidays (vacations) for more than one week a year. Americans loving watching football, eating turkey, and going shopping at 4am in order to try and get really great deals. 

Please do not get me wrong: I know every American does not fit into these statements. But in terms of how the rest of the world sees us, these are a just a few qualities by which I think you can generalize Americans. 

So, I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

What defines America? What really makes you American?

Have you traveled to other countries? What do people in other countries say/think about the US?

Do Americans really have a global reputation for being overweight?

This is a friendly discussion. Please keep the comments light and appropriate. :)

Love,

EF

The discussion of modesty

It was absolutely GLORIOUS to be able to have a break from the cold Joburg winter and spend some time in summer while we were visiting my family in the US recently! I think we spent almost every second we could in the scorching sunshine (and we managed not to get burned!).

And while I was Stateside, I bought a new swimsuit at Target (miss that so much!); it's a "tankini" (do they even call them that any more?). But you know, a two piece, of which the top still covers your stomach area (it's the top I'm wearing in the picture above). I chose to buy this instead of a bikini because I already have a bikini and I wanted something more modest - something I would feel 100% fine wearing if anyone more than my family was around.

But honestly, until I watched this video below, I didn't realize how much more confident it made me feel. I loved wearing something that wasn't "revealing" but was still adorable (in my opinion of course - thank goodness the husband agrees). Please watch it. I think it's excellent and every girl needs to seriously consider what they wear - in the water and outside of it.


What do you think? Is modesty that important? Do you wear a bikini? Will you still wear a bikini?

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Love from the Southern Hemisphere,

Ellie


Oh, and PS - I checked out Jessica's swimsuit company and LOVE it! It'd pick this one:

Life happens

Hi all!

It’s always intimidating picking up blogging again, after I’ve been out of it for any length of time. And usually long breaks are not because life is no longer filled with…well, life; actually, quite the opposite. There has been so much going on! Some of it has been wonderful and happy, some of it not. My mom recently commented on my Facebook page and said that my life looks so amazing (on Facebook); and often, I agree…my life is amazing! J I know that even in hard times, I am so blessed. But the hard things in life happen everywhere…sickness, death, testing times…even here in South Africa. I'm not going to share everything that has been going on, but saying what I just did and anything else I might share – I share in order to hopefully encourage you that: you are normal. I’m normal. Sometimes life is so fun and great and other times it’s not; that happens to everyone. And hopefully, knowing that we all experience ups-and-downs, strengthens us a bit more in the downs, to keep persevering – to let the tough times refine you, strengthen you, and help you see the good things in life. I know it helps me. (I’m always a basket case until I talk to a friend and find out that my feelings, situation, etc is not new.) I hope I don’t sound all doom-and-gloom; I want to be relatable. J

So here are some of the great things that have been going on: My major award redeemed, Bon Jovi LIVE (O.M.G!), and a quick trip to Cape Town! Hope you’re seeing the good things in your life right now…share some with me! What are they? 

Love,

EF

Taking advantage of a dinner that is normally very much out of our budget - all from my major award! :)

Restaurant: Tribes

So much food!

Our Bon Jovi group! So much fun to go with so many friends!

It was REALLY cold that night, and it was an open air stadium! But it added to the excitement. :)

The stadium as it was filling up. We were all the way in the back - but the back and sides were also completely full. 

Far away, but there he is!! I've wanted to see him in concert for so long!

Isn't this picture crazy/so impressive?! I've heard there were 90,000 people there!

So excited!

And on a totally different note: I traveled to Cape Town for work last week. It was such a fast trip and I didn't have time to do anything but work, but I sure did enjoy my 5 star room! Too bad hubby couldn't come!

I thought this was so cute! Each room had a teapot and kettle, plus a box of teas, hot chocolates, and coffees to choose from. I know a lot of places do something like this, but it just seemed extra cute here! One day when we have a guest bedroom, I want to put something like this in there for our guests! :)

Heaven. 

THAT TUB!

Yeah, I was really excited. 

The hotel is on a wine farm. This is the view from my room of the vineyards, at dawn.

How cute?! And look at those stunning roses!

Flying back to Joburg at sunrise. Just thought the mountains were beautiful. 

And I hope you don't mind seeing one more...

Love him. 

True love

Happy Valentine's Day!

So, yesterday I had written most of this post and thought I would be ahead for the day, but then a few thoughts came up last night that I thought I should share and, to be honest, are a bit more meaningful than what I had previously planned.

We have a church service every other Wednesday night - more of a workshop - and right now, we're in a series on marriage. Last night's lesson was great and really left me with a lot to think about, but one particular thought has stuck with me so strongly.

"Love never fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:8

It's not a new statement. It's not revolutionary. And the Bible does not talk about love in the "happily ever after" way that our society portrays in movies, books, etc. Love that the bible speaks about  - true, real love - is selfless. It is sacrificial. It initiates. It holds onto nothing bad and it never looks to its own interests. It really isn't glamorous. And that's why it never fails; because it is always better to be loving, to be giving, to be selfless. Even when I'm hurt or confused or my feeling are off, showing love to my husband and others is the best option. It always works.

You might be sitting there thinking, "duh", but I have found this to be a powerful reminder that I am trying to apply every day. And in light of what has happened in South Africa today (have a look here if you're not sure...it's so sad), I feel desperate to cling to the good and to love - to love despite my feelings indicating otherwise. The world needs real love - selfless, sacrificial, self-controlled love.

So, I thought this was a more appropriate thought on love than the below, and it applies to everyone - single or not. :) The below is still fun, nonetheless, and I would like to share, if you'd still like to read.

Growing up, my mom always made Valentine’s Day special in little ways. We’d come home from our days to a dinner table set with a red table cloth, one red, heart-shaped balloon tied to each of our chairs, and a small heart-shaped basket in front of our dinner plate that would have a few small presents – candy, pens, those wash-clothes that open when you put them in water. It wasn't anything extravagant, but it made the day special regardless of what happened the rest of the day – regardless of if I had “a valentine” or not. I think I always liked Valentine’s Day, but felt like I needed to be a typical girl and wallow in self-loathing and rom-coms.

As I got older, it became more of a day where I (subconsciously and/or secretly) had an excuse to daydream without guilt about my future Mr. Darcy and where he may be and what he could be like. (Please tell me someone else did/does feel that way?) As well as bake lots of brownies and continue watching rom-coms with my girlfriends.

Now, being married – yes it’s nice to have an automatic date, but – I think what I love most about Valentine’s Day is just basking in the love of simple things: red (love anything red!), extra sweets and chocolates (actually, this happens all year long for me), the Valentine’s Day soundtrack (have you heard it? so fun!), and stormy summer days (in the southern hemisphere. If I was living in the Northeast still, this would be the hope of approaching, warm spring days).

So, what little things are you loving right now? And jumping back to the more serious side of love: what do you find most challenging about practicing real love?

Here are a few of my loves right now and my Mr. Darcy. :) 

Lots of love,

E

Milk-chocolate covered marshmallows. I CAN'T STOP eating them!

Closet inspiration. I'm trying to choose things I pin on Pinterest and actually  finds ways to do them at home. I loved this multipurpose closet...we'll see if I can incorporate this at home. ;) You can find picture on my "Nesting" board on Pinterest. 

Summer thunderstorms. Miami looks like this in the summer, so I'm so lucky to have moved somewhere that has similar summer weather. We're in the peak of it right now and have probably has this picture happen three times this week, already! That picture shows the Johannesburg skyline. 

I fell in love the first time I saw these! Pictures of my attempt to bake them coming soon!. :) You can the link to this recipe  under my "Sweet tooth" board on Pinterest. 

My mother actually introduced me to this website and again,  instant love. They do online and paper invitations that  are just stunning!

My Mr. Darcy :)

What I know and don't know

I know I love God.

I know I want to be a better disciple of Jesus.

I know I love my husband. So much.

I don’t know what I want to do for a living.

I don’t yet know how to balance marriage and everything else in my life.

I know I want to keep being adventurous.

I know I want to move back to the US and then again to another country, one day.

I know some more money in our bank account would be really helpful.

I don’t know where that money could come from.

I know I need to pray more.

I know I want to hear what God is telling me he has planned for my life.

I know I miss my family  - so much sometimes that I don’t know how I can keep living so far away.

I know I want to keep making other disciples of Jesus.

I don’t know where I’m going to be this time next year.

I know I’m going to be 25 next month.

I know God loves me, my husband loves me, and my end goal is heaven.

I don’t know what heaven will be like, but I know there is nothing else better to pursue in life.

I know that God knows everything that will happen in my life today, tomorrow, and until the end of my time.

And I know that I can trust Him and rejoice in the hope and unconditional love he shows me, and promises to show me, forever. 

The truth about being engaged

On 9 May 2011, my [then] boyfriend got down on one knee on the beach, with the Indian Ocean in the background, and asked me to marry him. I eagerly and oh-so-happily said yes! Friends were taking pictures, the sun had come out for a few moments after raining for hours, and the wind was lightly blowing…it was perfect! We quickly went home and Skyped with my parents, called his, and popped some champagne with friends. It was SO exciting; I was in total shock. My fiancé and I couldn’t stop smiling, and I couldn’t stop looking at my left hand. It really was one of the most wonderful days ever.

The next few days and couple weeks were just as blissful. We were flooded with messages on Facebook and email, and smothered with hugs from friends and family we saw over those following couple of weeks. We started to plan our wedding – just very general thoughts and ideas – which was like planning your best birthday party but 1,000 times better. I hate to use such a cliché phrase, but we really were on cloud nine.

And as those beginning weeks passed, the real planning was in full swing, and well, we were confronted with the reality of a Christian engagement – a wonderful and magical time – which no one had warned us about. I want to make sure I don’t lose the fact in this post that being engaged was definitely an incredibly special and fun time in our life that (prayerfully) we’ll only get to experience once. But there were aspects of it that totally caught me by surprise, and that I kind of wish someone had told me about.

So, that’s what I’m here to do: If you’re a Christian – a true disciple of Jesus – I want to present an honest picture of what being engaged is like. Although this was just our experience (so take it with a grain of salt), I have a feeling we’re not the only ones out there with the following experience. So, read on, or don’t; but if you ever get engaged, I hope some of these thoughts are helpful to you.

In no particular order…

1)      Being engaged is absolutely wonderful and SO exciting! Actually, it’s surreal. If you’re like me, you probably spend a lot of time in your 20/30 years of life seeing other people fall in love, be engaged, and get married – and now it’s happening to you! When?! How?! And not everyone gets that in their life. You are where you are by God’s grace and kindness.

Planning a wedding, however, can be frustrating, difficult, and/or discouraging at times. (Not all the time!) J Things go wrong, venues are mean, EVERYONE has their opinion and really wants you to use it, and most likely, you have a budget (which means your grand ideas and décor will have to be scaled down immensely…which is a definitely a bummer). One of those things, or something else, WILL happen to you. I have never heard of a wedding that didn’t have even one small hiccup. One or more of those things may have happened to us. If you really want to know, email me, and I will tell you in the form of advice for your future. J

Know that it’s coming and when it does, don’t freak out – focus on that blessing of falling in love and getting married. That’s why you’re getting married anyway: to marry an incredible man or woman. Not to plan a wedding. J

2)      If you are a disciple of Jesus, then I would expect that you are waiting until marriage to be intimate. I thought that for some reason, once we got engaged, waiting and staying pure would be easier because the end is in sight. It’s not; it’s harder. Emotions are heightened, the end in sight is exciting, and Satan wants so hard to make you mess up. His days to trap you in that area are numbered, so he is going to throw everything he’s got at you. Resist! I promise: it is UNBELIEVABLY worth it. You have one chance as a disciple, to do it right; and if you can wait, you will see that God really knows what he’s talking about. His plan is perfect. I know it’s hard, but again, try and focus on the blessings you’re receiving. Focusing on those makes it a bit easier to think, “I can wait a few more months longer” - and actually do it. (Something my fiancé and I did was make a list of 10 things we would or would not do together…ie: We would not be in a house alone, at all….and we gave the list to three married couples in our life, and decided that if we broke one of the “rules” we would confess it to all three couples. Let me tell you: the fear of confessing something to all of them was motivation enough not to do them!)

3)      (Completely person opinion here, so I think this is more of a side note: six months (or longer) is too long to be engaged. Gordon and I were engaged almost exactly six months. We wanted to get married sooner but with my family being in the US and our wedding in South Africa, we could only work around certain dates for the wedding – and I’m so grateful we did because it allowed people to be involved that would otherwise might have not been able to. But I think the reason most people choose a long engagement is because they think they need so much time to plan a wedding, when in reality, they don’t. Three or four months is plenty of time to plan a wedding, under normal circumstances. But if your engagement needs to be longer for other reasons or circumstances, just be aware that temptation gets harder, not easier.)

4)      If you are a disciple of Jesus, then I also would expect that you are getting some form of pre-marital counselling. This too is a massive blessing! (I’m not saying that because it sounds good but I actually I hated it...I actually mean it.) Yes, it was hard, but it was THE BEST thing we could do to prepare. (Even better than painting our kitchen red or me getting the walk-in closet for myself and G getting the cupboard.) How wonderful to be able to work out any issues, concerns, questions, fears, confusions about marriage before you’re actually in it!? Pre-marital counselling is a blessing, but that does not mean it is easy or comfortable. If you want to grow and become the best wife or husband you can be, God will show you plenty to work on and change. Embrace it. Gordon and I joke that we dealt with so much/got everything out (or in other words, had enough bumps) before we got married, so our first year will be perfect! Ha – we know that’s not true, but so far, so good. J

And just a few, brief wedding pointers:

5)      The details don’t matter. Really. You won’t care after you’re married if the aisle was absolutely covered in petals or not (a detail I wanted but it just didn't quite happen), or your bridesmaids dresses were the right shade of coral (I have seen this happen). Don’t freak out during the planning, and try not to stress other people out with such details; you might be a bit embarrassed afterwards.

6)      Be flexible. If there is a detail that a family member who is really close to you wants in the wedding, and it’s not something that is going to start a fire or make your hair turn blue, probably use it. The relationship is more important than the detail.

7)      Stay in your budget. You’re starting a life together and the wedding is one day; don’t put yourself in debt over one day, when the debt will follow you for a long time.

8)      Delegate/include lots of people. This takes the stress off of you and makes people feel so loved and special.

9)      Honeymoon (again personal opinion): don’t go somewhere where there is lots to do. You’ll be too tired and feel bad if you don’t have the energy to do or see all those things.  

10)   Remember that all of this is about the person you’re marrying. Stay focused on them; why you love them, why you’re grateful for them.

Being engaged is so fun and exciting, but being married is far better! I truly feel that way (even though I would love to get married all over again)!

Any other thoughts/tips/ideas for engaged couples?

Love from the Southern Hemisphere,

e.f.

Hooray for rejection!

Since I was quite young, I have wanted to work at the White House. I kind of have wanted to be the president at some points too. Then I decided it would be ideal to be the First Lady because then I could be as involved or not in political stuff as I wanted, but I could still help plan and attend all the parties! I say this to emphasis my desire and efforts, consequently, to intern at the White House. (Logical step: intern < president. Obvi.)

I first applied during my junior year in college: didn't get it. I then applied last year for this summer (or winter, for you southern hemisphere-ans): again, didn't get it. The first time I was rejected, I was devastated. I could not understand how God could not see that as the best situation for me - I certainly could. I eventually pulled myself together and got on board with God's plans.

This second time, I honestly wasn't sure what I wanted. Since moving to South Africa, I have fallen in love with the most wonderful man; but visiting the States in December put me in utter turmoil about whether I really wanted to stay here or not. I prayed that God would move my heart completely in one direction - whether that was to stay here in SA or to move back; I didn't want to be unsure about either decision. So, I got an email in February saying that I did not get a place in the summer internship, but please apply to the fall internship. What was this? God telling me to try again or just a standard email that some people sitting in the White House send to everyone who applies? Who knows, but I applied again.

During the time between when I applied for this fall (or, spring) and waited for a reply, God certainly changed my heart. I just fell more and more in love with Gordon and found myself not even wanting to get the internship! What was going on?! I just didn't want to have to say no to an opportunity like that if it was offered to me, because I had decided I didn't want it anymore.

And just yesterday, I found out, for a third time, that I did not get accepted into the White House internship program.

Hooray! I laugh at myself even as I write that, because I cannot believe all that God has done in my life to bring me to the point where, I am so excited that I am not going to be interning in the White House. If I have the opportunity one day to work in the White House, I would still love to (at least I say that now). But now, I am overjoyed that I get to stay here in South Africa with the best boyfriend in the whole world and that I have a God who knows what I want even more than I do!

Michelle Obama!

The lovely and graceful First Lady, Michelle Obama. :)

I just love Michelle Obama! She just seems like she could be anyone's next door neighbor, and I truly believe we could be the dearest of friends.


On 22 June, I got see her speak in Soweto at Regina Mundi Church! It was such a great experience! She is quite the woman; so impressive. She's beautiful, strong, inspiring, has integrity, takes her girls everywhere, and has a fabulous sense of style (especially for a First Lady)! I also just love hearing really great speeches; ones that are inspiring, make you think, and make you want to go save the world. That's how I felt after listening to Michelle. Here are some of my favorite quotes from her speech that day. :)




Background to the first quote: And you all know the story –- how 35 years ago this month, a group of students planned a peaceful protest to express their outrage over a new law requiring them to take courses in Afrikaans.  Thousands of them took to the streets, intending to march to Orlando Stadium.

But when security forces opened fire, some fled here to this church.  The police followed, first with tear gas, and then with bullets. 

And while no one was killed within this sanctuary, hundreds lost their lives that day, including a boy named Hector Pieterson, who was just 12 years old, and Hastings Ndlovu, who was just 15.

Many of the students hadn’t even known about the protest when they arrived at school that morning.  But they agreed to take part, knowing full well the dangers involved, because they were determined to get an education worthy of their potential.

And as the Archbishop noted, that June day wasn’t the first, or the last, time that this church stood in the crosscurrents of history.  It was referred to as “the parliament of Soweto.”  When the congregation sang their hymns, activists would make plans, singing the locations and times of secret meetings.  Church services, and even funerals, often became anti-Apartheid rallies.  And as President Mandela once put it, “Regina Mundi became a world-wide symbol of the determination of our people to free themselves.”

It is a story that has unfolded across this country and across this continent, and also in my country -- the story of young people 20 years ago, 50 years ago, who marched until their feet were raw, who endured beatings and bullets and decades behind bars, who risked, and sacrificed, everything they had for the freedom they deserved.

So the question today is, what will you make of that inheritance?  What legacy will you leave for your children and your grandchildren?  What generation will you be?

And I am here because I know that true leadership -– leadership that lifts families, leadership that sustains communities and transforms nations –- that kind of leadership rarely starts in palaces or parliaments.

That kind of leadership is not limited only to those of a certain age or status.  And that kind of leadership is not just about dramatic events that change the course of history in an instant.

Instead, true leadership often happens with the smallest acts, in the most unexpected places, by the most unlikely individuals.

So make no mistake about it: There are still so many causes worth sacrificing for.  There is still so much history yet to be made. 

And in the end, that sense of interconnectedness, that depth of compassion, that determination to act in the face of impossible odds, those are the qualities of mind and heart that I hope will define your generation.

I hope that all of you will reject the false comfort that others’ suffering is not your concern, or if you can’t solve all the world’s problems, then you shouldn’t even try.

Instead, as one of our great American presidents, Teddy Roosevelt, liked to say, I hope that you will commit yourselves to doing “what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are,” because in the end, that is what makes you a lion.  Not fortune, not fame, not your pictures in history books, but the refusal to remain a bystander when others are suffering, and that commitment to serve however you can, where you are.

So you may not always have a comfortable life.  And you will not always be able to solve all the world’s problems all at once.  But don’t ever underestimate the impact you can have, because history has shown us that courage can be contagious, and hope can take on a life of its own.

Nicole Harvey and I waiting to see Michelle. I thought this picture was an appropriate one to end with because, (yes I know it sounds corny) we are those people she's talking about! :)