When I got on Facebook yesterday, still reading scrolls of
Mother’s Day messages, many of them were from or to new moms. And so many of
those new moms are my friends; close in age and/or spirit. For a split second,
I sort of felt like I should be feeling that “I want a baby!” feeling. But I
don’t feel that. Which is significant for two reasons:
1. We’re not ready to have kids at the moment, so I
don’t want to be feeling that.
2. I’m content with where I’m at and that’s
exciting.
I've spent a lot of time over the years wishing I was in a different
situation. In high school, I wanted to be in college. In college, I wanted to
have a full time job. Now that I have a full time job, I often want to be at
home or travelling or just in a job where I make my own schedule. When I was
single, I wanted to be married. Now that I'm married, I don't want to be single
again, but I think I could have done a better job at being single (rather than
just wishing I was married), now that I've "seen the other side". I
have learned a lot from being in all of those situations. But I also could have
learned a lot, and even more significantly, enjoyed a lot more, if I had been
content with my circumstances.
Now as I see so many of my friends having babies, I truly am so,
so happy for them! For many of them, I am so excited to be able to be like an
aunt or big sister to their sons and daughters. And I love that hubby and I can
babysit them and "borrow" them and then give them back. (Just being
honest.) At this point in our life, that's where we're at and I'm very fine
with that. Besides the fact that we are moving continents in just 35 days,
there are so many things we still want to do and that we need to grow in!
We should always have dreams and strive for opportunities that
help us grow, but I completely believe that whatever situation we are currently
in already does that for us. It's just a matter of whether we see it and let
it, or whether we fight against it. And this includes the really tough,
painful, trying times too.
You may be in high school, deciding what to do after graduation
and haven't gotten into the university you want to go to. You may have
graduated college a few years ago and are working at someplace that isn’t quite
what you envisioned. You maybe be 55 and still looking for that lifelong
partner. You may have been trying to get pregnant for the past five years and
haven't been able to. I don't know. Some of those situations I can relate to;
some of them, I can't. My heart aches for those who are hurting; for those who
want so badly to be in a different situation, who want life to be different. I
truly can empathize. Living at least a 18-hour ride away from my family has
afforded me many opportunities to just sit at home and cry, wishing I could be
closer to them; wishing I could be at a friend's wedding, or see another’s newborn
baby, or even hug a friend and cry with them when their heart is breaking. The
pain and desires that we feel are real. And yet, despite wanting to be stay
upset or hurt or angry or maybe even bitter, through experience and therapy
(another story for another time, but I will say that I think therapy is
brilliant and everyone should go at some point in their life! :), I've
definitely learned that we do ourselves no favours by focusing on what we don't
have and what we've missed out on.
So, be brave. Muster all the strength and gumption you can find to
see the good. There is some; there always is. Strive to have the courage and
confidence to accept where you're at. Find reasons to love it and be good at it
- at being a student, at being single, at being a mom - whatever it is you are.
You are where you need to be.
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