Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Thoughts on Contentment

When I got on Facebook yesterday, still reading scrolls of Mother’s Day messages, many of them were from or to new moms. And so many of those new moms are my friends; close in age and/or spirit. For a split second, I sort of felt like I should be feeling that “I want a baby!” feeling. But I don’t feel that. Which is significant for two reasons:

1. We’re not ready to have kids at the moment, so I don’t want to be feeling that.
2. I’m content with where I’m at and that’s exciting.

I've spent a lot of time over the years wishing I was in a different situation. In high school, I wanted to be in college. In college, I wanted to have a full time job. Now that I have a full time job, I often want to be at home or travelling or just in a job where I make my own schedule. When I was single, I wanted to be married. Now that I'm married, I don't want to be single again, but I think I could have done a better job at being single (rather than just wishing I was married), now that I've "seen the other side". I have learned a lot from being in all of those situations. But I also could have learned a lot, and even more significantly, enjoyed a lot more, if I had been content with my circumstances.

Now as I see so many of my friends having babies, I truly am so, so happy for them! For many of them, I am so excited to be able to be like an aunt or big sister to their sons and daughters. And I love that hubby and I can babysit them and "borrow" them and then give them back. (Just being honest.) At this point in our life, that's where we're at and I'm very fine with that. Besides the fact that we are moving continents in just 35 days, there are so many things we still want to do and that we need to grow in!

We should always have dreams and strive for opportunities that help us grow, but I completely believe that whatever situation we are currently in already does that for us. It's just a matter of whether we see it and let it, or whether we fight against it. And this includes the really tough, painful, trying times too.

You may be in high school, deciding what to do after graduation and haven't gotten into the university you want to go to. You may have graduated college a few years ago and are working at someplace that isn’t quite what you envisioned. You maybe be 55 and still looking for that lifelong partner. You may have been trying to get pregnant for the past five years and haven't been able to. I don't know. Some of those situations I can relate to; some of them, I can't. My heart aches for those who are hurting; for those who want so badly to be in a different situation, who want life to be different. I truly can empathize. Living at least a 18-hour ride away from my family has afforded me many opportunities to just sit at home and cry, wishing I could be closer to them; wishing I could be at a friend's wedding, or see another’s newborn baby, or even hug a friend and cry with them when their heart is breaking. The pain and desires that we feel are real. And yet, despite wanting to be stay upset or hurt or angry or maybe even bitter, through experience and therapy (another story for another time, but I will say that I think therapy is brilliant and everyone should go at some point in their life! :), I've definitely learned that we do ourselves no favours by focusing on what we don't have and what we've missed out on.

So, be brave. Muster all the strength and gumption you can find to see the good. There is some; there always is. Strive to have the courage and confidence to accept where you're at. Find reasons to love it and be good at it - at being a student, at being single, at being a mom - whatever it is you are. You are where you need to be.

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